Out Of Phase

"People fall out of phase / We were a crash course / We will just be a place stuck on your passport." 

- Kelly Clarkson, Someone.

On an occasional evening, I would sit myself down on my bed, lights off, whispering music playing, and I would find myself thinking about how much has changed, be it the past decade, year, month or even week. Life is a never-ending vicious cycle of moments, one after another, each trying to catch up the the other, but never quite getting there. 

Until it does.

Moments pass so fleetingly, sometimes subtly, others with a bang, but the one thing that remains constant is how they pass all too fast, sometimes faster than our hearts are able to catch up. But that's the beauty in it, isn't it? That each moment that passes will never return again, that each second is unique, irreplaceable, but most importantly, it is completely and entirely yours.

I believe that with passing moments, we not only lose time. To be honest, I think that we lose little parts of ourselves behind too. Every step I took forward, I left warm footprints behind. I leave behind a part of my heart with every beautiful sunset, a piece of my childhood with each precious tear. Each bout of laughter charted off with a dab of youthfulness, like how my presence still lingers behind in the places I've once visited, though I no longer do. With each moment, I believe that we are continually growing, maturing, learning and changing. Growth does not usually occur over one single night, but through little sections of your life, regardless of whether they are of significant importance to you, or if you take them for granted. 

But, on some rare occasions, you can grow overnight, take it from someone who's done it before. A significant moment or event, that the impact it leaves in its wake brings sudden revelations, cement your resolves, and make a growth spurt possible. Many a times, these occur in heartbreak, tough times, for I think that we learn the most in tough times, when everything seems to be crashing down. Happiness is, of course, dazzling. Brilliant. But how can we grow without knowing what's left when the sparkle wears off? In tough times, that's when we realize how strong we can be, and how, though you may think otherwise, we are only as strong as our own will. It's when you realize that you can do it, in spite of all the hurt and all the heartbreak and all the doubts, that you learn to truly trust yourself. 

Yes. You can.

One of the things that I am most reluctant to talk about is that time also removes some people from your life. You will find that you were only close to some people because you saw them five days a week. The childhood friend who used to always have your back might not have talked to you in months. Not out of spite, or fall outs, but simply because that's how life is. Some people move on, even when you're not ready to. But that's okay. You have to remember that it's okay. 

Yes, it's sad, but instead of dwelling on the negatives, why not take a step back and smile over the moments when you had laughed together, the times that you've gotten each other into trouble? Memories are beautiful things. The past doesn't change. It's both a blessing and a curse. But memories, they are snapshots of your happiest moments, your saddest moments, the moments that have helped you grow, built you up, and they are what defines you today.

Ultimately, beauty in life is not found in moments, but in us. We are the ones who dictate who we want to be in our most defining moments. We have the choice to either take our lives to the next station, or to wallow in the past. The past may contain your most beautiful moments, your happiest moments, but the future is what determines what your future's past would be. 

Savour the past. Live in the moment. But anticipate the future. And your life will not be a collection of wistful scenes and regret, but a series of beautiful snapshots, even if they were heartbreaking-ly beautiful.

應為他，我才是現在的我。

- 《我的少女時代》

Love，

eunice.

"  謝謝你出現在我的青春裡。"